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Just Be Nice Perhaps my trips to Paris and France have been charmed. I approach both with a sort of reverence. Here, in the states, there just doesn't seem to be much reverence for anything. On my first trip to Paris as an adult (I lived in France as a child), I distinctly remember being on a street corner with my roommate, looking at a map. Two different French people (Parisians?) took note of the map and asked us - without solicitation and in English - if we needed help. I remember a lot of French from childhood and school. In bistros, I would place my order entirely in French. I'll never forget the beaming smile of the lady who listened and understood exactly what I ordered. I've lived in and traveled to many countries and learned that people are people. To echo what many have already said, people generally treat you the way you treat them no matter where on the planet you happen to be. I have struck up many a conversation with Parisians and they've always been friendly. One even gave me his phone number, but - traveling alone - I decided it best not to purse that. :) Even the taxi drivers I've encountered have been polite. Somehow, I always manage to get French taxi drivers. In my adult life, my travels to France are typically in February and March. People generally may not be so tired of tourists at that time of year, I suppose. By the way, I have found that you not be American to be rude. I've encountered my fair share of rude people from other European countries. Just be nice to people and avoid those making a ruckus and you'll have a great time.

Je pense que non... Interesting how much passionate response this question tends to inspire, and so it is once again.

I've gone on the record as to what I think about whether or not the French are rude, right here on Bonjour Paris http://www.bonjourparis.com/story/are-french-rude-and-other-mysteries-unravelled/ and I stand by those comments.

As to whether Parisians are more rude than the rest of the French, I think you would get a similar response if you asked 1,000 heartland Americans their opinion of New Yorkers. And I don't think it's really a very fair way to go about judging any group of people.

I am stickin' by my position: there is no GROUP of people in the world that is more rude than any other. Kindness and courtesy are traits held by individuals, not groups. Parisians, New Yorkers, the French, Americans, and everyone else on this planet has to earn the title of being kind, polite, and respectful day by day in countless large and small acts of thoughtfulness.

ALL of us are probably rude from time to time. MOST of us try to be kind and polite most of the time. SOME of us are just plain rude most of the time. And I would think that these "types" of people are probably more or less equally distributed around the globe.

Thanks, Karen, for inspiring yet another interesting and stimulating conversation!

French rude? My experiences in Paris dictate No. I am an American who loves the French,
their country et al. I think many Americans are rude. The sense of entitile-
ment seems to prevail. On a couple of occasions I have stopped them in
in mid action and said "shape up". I have had conversations with fellow yanks
and the question is asked "What ever happened to their manners"

I am so reassured Ms. Fuller, I am genuinely reassured that it is not personal discomfiture, but plain old gratuitous (unrequested) solicitude (tinged with a soupçon of paranoia, and the faintest volute of threat) that motivates your "intent," which I am hard put to characterize. My French friends, and not a few Americans, would be amused by this exchange--very much in the spirit of this lovely website in that it simulates the kind of conversational grappling, short of persiflage, the French so love to engage in. They (my friends, that is) know me, which of course you don't, and they know me not to back down in my hard-won judgments, nor my insouciance, if not eagerness and volubility, in committing my views to "print" (I don't call this print, but I suppose some people print these things out to read them more easily). I have been a professional writer for over 40 years, poetry, gubernatorial candidate's campaign speeches, magazine articles, scholarly articles, advertising (print and broadcast), newspaper features, reporting and editorials, and more recently two blogs, as well as a published book about life in France. The book is the ironic element here, as it's called Same DIfference, in that, in my view, as several folks have suggested here, we are not only confréres, but truly fréres et soeurs under the skin--the French and us. I am not and never have been afraid to speak my mind. If it does nothing else, it promotes (or should I say, provokes?) discussion, and brings people like you out from the Deuxième Empire woodwork.

It's curious, but not strange, that I have never had an argument with a Frenchman (or woman); debates yes, but true, rancorous disagreements seem to be reserved for my fellow citizens. But it's in our national character, it seems, not to harbor differences except with an animus. We all rush to embrace free speech, but if you trample on someone's deep convictions (based on not much more than their predilections, urban legends, folktales, insupportable ideology, and scanty anecdotal evidence) and they're ready to stifle your right to express yours. Not that you are stifling me, except in some passive way with these mild veiled caveats, but I have no problem with you having your opinions. Let's just not get ad hominem, or raise the rhetorical temperature (with intemperate metaphors about sending people to the slaughterhouse, for example) with irrelevancies.

I'm just curious that much further. What exactly is it I should fear might happen, ventilating as I am here on the calm, if not placid, precincts of Ms. Fawcett's site... Are you NSA? Tea Party? Front Nationale? worse?

One thing I do love about Paris, and the rest of France, is that this sort of thing: one person speaking his mind (that would be me), and another taking offense (to the extent of distortion and unsolicited warnings) never occurs. If they have differences, they make another talking heads television program about it.

My tip? If you really want to learn French, try to follow the discourse on one of these interminable TV shows. Then the task of engaging a waitperson to get you a pot of mustard seems like a mindless pleasure.

I congratulate you Ms. Fuller for having such a dignified and polite crowd of Americans with which to hang in Paris. Maybe, and this would truly be more useful than your other advice has been, you can share with us where these paragons are to be found: where they dine and imbibe, etc. I know it's not any of the restos, bistros, and brasseries that I frequent, either in Paris or the rural areas of the south, where I spend most of my time.

Entering the Fray Howard and Cathy: I'm afraid I will have to enter the fray here. Howard, I agree with you. And Cathy, when I have in the past made statements similar to those for which you are castigating Howard I have received criticisms just like yours. I don't have a home in France, but I do visit there at least twice a year, sometimes more often. I truly believe that I was French in another life. Also, I speak passable French, but very far from fluently. Nevertheless, I have taken to carrying a Georges Simenon book with me almost everywhere - not only because I adore Inspecteur Maigret, but also because I can use the book as protective coloration when I don't want to be recognized as connected to a particularly obnoxious group of Americans. I also always order food and drink in French, not only because I feel strongly that one should, if one can. conform to the norms and language of the country in which one is at the time, but also for that same protective coloration. I also recall an afternoon last year when, sitting at Cafe Flore, next to a group speaking in loud American English, ordering only in English, but nevertheless insulting and making fun of everything they had seen that day (as if the waiter could understand that they wanted martinis, but not that they thought certain Frenchmen were ridiculous) - when I called my expat friend about our meeting on my cell phone, I did not say "I'll be right there" but, instead, "J'arrive toute de suite". No way did I want one of those people to turn to me and figuratively nudge me wih an elbow as if I were one of them. No way! Many Americans love and understand France and the French. Karen lives there at least half of each year. My friend Lynn from Oregon and Michelle from New York have been living in Paris for many years. And am the first one to offer directions and guidance about the neighborhood when I see a lost and interested American. But there are still, Kathy, those who think that Fance and the French are there for their amusement and act as if they deserve service have no obligation to reciprocate with any kind of understanding. With respect to those, I will not agree that they are a thing of the past - unless you think my experience at Flore last year is "the past".

Odious Stereotypes Monsieur Dinin, My imagination plays no part in my offense at your published opinion of the stereotypical Ugly American. Be careful what you put into print -- it can always be used against you. But, please be assured, that is not my intent. In fact, we two have better reasons to be friends, than adversaries: We're both Americans, we both love France. And I'm having a lovely day, thank you.

Abattoir for yanks? Hardly Ms. Fiorello, you have quite an imagination. I speak my mind, but that hardly makes me a monster. I wouldn't send any human, whatever their origins, to such a fate. In fact, that bespeaks a violence I think the world has long since condemned. As for the "dated" comment of your judgmental remarks, it's true I haven't been at my French home in some eight months--solely because of serious illness in the family--but I assure you with every sojourn in LBF over 25 years my sense of the extraordinary unmannerly behavior of SOME of my compatriots (I too am an American, by birth and citizenship) is reinforced. I am sure you are not among those who demonstrate loutish behavior, but surely this personal critique of me is--you may concede upon reflection--unwarranted. For one, we've hardly just met. Maybe you're having an unpleasant day... and if so, I hope it improves.

Odious Stereotypes Monsieur Dinin, did you read your comment before hitting the "send" key? After condemning negative attacks on the French, you launch into one of the most odious attacks on the American traveler that I have seen in many years. The picture you paint of us is a dated stereotype. I, too, love France and will defend the French to the death, but not by sending my fellow Americans to the slaughterhouse.

Stereotypes and comparisons are odious, but... The interesting part of this piece by Ms. Fawcett seems to have been missed. The survey was of French adult non-Parisians. It squares, at least in a very general way, with my experience. After 25 years of regularly traveling to Paris, and much of the south of France, and now with a home of my own in the Haut Var, I've had plenty of time to observe, converse, and ponder the question. My neighbors (many of them now true friends) in Provence have been particularly enlightening. The most adverse attitudes toward Paris--the attitudes toward Parisians per se is not so clear--are found among the Provençals in my experience. The need (or the opportunity) to travel to Paris is considered odious by many of them. Speaking of Paris elicits reactions that can make me think I might as well have referred to a trip to a war zone or an area of the world in crisis. So strong are the sentiments expressed. My theory is that Paris, because of the essential nature of France's governance the center of whatever you can name that is critical to maintaining order and stability: finance, educational standards, health standards, legislative mandates, represents "them"--the bureaucrats who run the country. Much has been done over the past few decades to localize as much of the administration and policy-making of the many diverse regions of the country. Nevertheless, Paris still stands as the symbol of all that is almost genetically repugnant to the typical French citizen. It is the center of power, and the first to say "no" to any initiative. It is France to much of the rest of the world. In my experience, whether in Paris or in any other part of the country I have visited, but particularly in my beloved Provence, I have *always* found the French to be the warmest, kindest, most helpful, considerate and understanding of people... especially if you find yourself in dire straits or distress of any kind. I personally happen not to mind the "reserve" of shopkeepers and most strangers. I think Americans view this as coldness. I view it as a proper, respectful attitude, and the solid ground of manners and consideration that characterize civilized behavior. It is the foundation of all that can be built upon it. Get to know a French person, or allow them to get to know you (and here it's best to understand French custom, mores, and, so to speak, the vernacular ways of social interaction) and you end up with rock-solid friendships with very caring, generous people. I find Parisians no different in terms of behavior from their compatriots, even in the sunny, leisurely south. I will close though by saying that the most loathesome behavior I have experienced has been perpetrated by my fellow Americans. If anyone deserves the clichéd and stereotypical epithet of rude, inconsiderate, and demanding, it's the typical yankee (north or south, east or west) in a French setting, especially a public setting, and most specifically eating establishments (where you are most likely to have sustained contact). I can always identify Americans. They're the loudest, the most insistent, most impatient, and least considerate of patrons. Invariably the worst perpetrators, as some have noted here by way of prescriptive behavior tips, are those Americans who simply refuse to utter a single word of French--and whose inevitable strategy when they are not understood (or so the French pretend in many instances under such circumstances) is to speak louder, still in English, but at increasing volume. No wonder they think that the French, and Parisians in particular, are rude--they're not, but simply firm, polite and (understandably) uncooperative. I am too when someone is bellowing at me demandingly. As for the attitudes of the countryside toward Parisians, their characterizations are amusing and--it's my guess--based on heresay, common wisdom, and mythology. The way Parisians are described in this survey could as readily be ascribed to an attitude that I think we call "provincial." This is not surprising, as, after all, after Paris, the rest of France is the provinces. Let's not forget that was the attitude of Romans toward the rest of the world when they ruled it. In fact, as likely most of the readers here are aware, Provence derives its name from the Latin for province. And even in our much younger country, "hicks" look upon city folks as suspect, snotty, and stand-offish.

No Way I have had "well meaning" friends warn me for years about the rudeness and anti U.S. sentiments of the French - particularly during that "freedom fries" era. I have been coming to France for about 40 years, and what I have found is that as long as you don't forget to start with "Bonjour" in shops, and you try to speak French, however badly, and when asking directions or the like you start with humbly telling the other person that you don't want to "deranger" (bother) them........everything is just fine. And I'm harkening back, for starters, to an era where there were no English translations on menus, or Mc Donalds on Blvd. St. Germain. At the beginning of the Iraq War, when so many of my countrymen climbed onto the "hate France" bandwagon, and couldn't comprehend why I was travelling there, I recall that while they hated the French because its government didn't agree with ours (neither did I) a group of protesters outside of the Sorbonne(protesting something totally different - something about the science program), discoveried I was an American, and simply were interested - truly interested - in discussing how I felt - no automatic, knee jerk judgment. THEY understood that there were all sorts of gradations of opinion and that hate was NOT an option just because someone disagreed! I love France, and no one can talk me out of it!

Are Parisians rude? I think it makes a difference if you TRY to speak French. We spent a month in Paris Spring, 2008. Our apartment was located on rue Marie Stuart near rue Montorgueil. Each time we purchased something from the merchants we tried to speak a little more French. A small gift of a rose or flowering plant was also a big hit with our favorite merchants. A young girl sales clerk at Stohrer's, whom we became friends with spoke just a little English. She appreciated us trying to speak more French each time we saw her. If we passed by, she would say "Cou cou!" and wave to us. When it was time to leave she used her fingers to signify tears going down her cheeks. That was followed by a big hug. We exchanged email addresses. She always types "Miss you! Kiss Kiss!" in her email.

Mais Non! I have found Parisians to be very warm--and eager to be of assistance if one needs help. I think many Americans go to France and expect the French to be the same as us--but with an accent. But there are significant cultural differences and doing a bit of reading about that before my first trip was like receiving the secret code. I learned there were so many ways I could have inadvertantly fed the "rude American" sterotype!

Ae Parisians rude? When friends have declared that Parisians are rude, I have countered that they are no more rude than, say, a rude New Yorker. I lived in Paris briefly when I was a young woman, and my husband and I have been there more than 50 times in a little over 40 years. We do speak French, and find those whom we encounter appreciative and gracious, although in truth often when they realize we are Americans they wish to practice their English! We just returned from a week in Paris and encountered much unrequested help. An example, we decided to take the RER in from DeGaulle as we had two light cases on wheels and knew that at the Correspondance station we could take an elevator to the ongoing platform. What we didn't know was that the Metro stop (with an escalator) a very short walk from our hotel was closed and we had to get off at an earlier stop, only to find steep stairs! As we awkwardly tried to pull the cases up those stairs a tall strapping young man grabbed them both, took them to the street level and handed them both to us, bowed as we thanked him, and he went on his way. ..Certainly no rudeness there, maybe it was the white hair!

My Three Cities I have been fortunate enough to have three of the world's great cities intimate parts of my life. New York from the beginning, San Francisco the past few years, and Paris -- my ultimate and most loved travel destination. Pre-Giuliani NY is what our unpleasant reputation is based on, and what some people won't let go of. Today the city is kinder, friendlier, happier -- a wonderful place to live or visit. Like every other contributor to this column, I have talked myself hoarse in defense of Paris, where I have always enjoyed my encounters with the locals. As with NY, most often my words fall on
deaf ears. Some people just prefer the negative. It's their loss. San Francisco is another story. People smile at the mere mention of its name. It's hard to get lost in a book in a cafe here -- strangers sit next to you and become instant friends. As an ex-New Yorker, I was wary at first, but now love it. Each city has its own social profile. If tourists would just accept that, and go with the flow, they'll have a much happier travel experience.

Parisiaians are Not Rude...not any more rude than anyone else. I have to agree with the other posts here. I little bit of French, no matter how bad, and some basic courtesy (Bonjour, Madame, etc.) goes a very long way. I have always found Parisians to be especially helpful providing directions, etc and have not had a bad restaurant experience yet. I did have a snooty receptionist at a hotel once, but she was a foreigner!!!

I <3 Paris Yes a little knowledge of the language + a lot of courtesy go a long way in any big bustling city. Being an ex New Yorker when I travel to Paris, or any large city, I try not to have high expectations and then I am pleasantly surprised by how polite people can be. People will usually respond to how you approach and treat them.

It's simple--- when in Paris, do as a polite Parisian would do! I've just been just a tourist to Paris, but I get along just fine there, even with limited French. I remember my manners and whenever I meet anyone it's "Bonjour Madame, Monsieur, Mademoiselle, etc." or similar, and it's all good. I've especially found younger Parisians very friendly and helpful. Just remember the golden rule with a little French and you'll be fine!

Are Parisians Rude As a former New Yorker and one who lived and worked in Manhattan I have to agree that Parisians are no different than any other big city dweller. I don't find them to be rude. You still have to appreciate cultural differences. If you are not rude - they are not rude.

Most Parisians are not rude...

That's what I've been saying forever! Alice - thank you for taking the time to comment!