Some People May Think the French Are Rude But...

By Karen Fawcett

Some people may think the French are rude. But they certainly aren’t Bonjour Paris readers. Nor did the readers of last week’s article here and in the blogosphere of social networking. There’s no way everyone can be a Francophile.

Our email box looked as if we were offering a free trip to Paris that included two first class air tickets, ten days at the The Marriott on the Champs Elysees and breakfast, lunch and dinner at two- and three-star-rated Michelin restaurants.

Each comment was read and re-read. To be honest, they supply inspiration and serve as an incentive for all of our contributors. We’re conveying the message that the French aren’t rude. Or if they are, it’s a lapse and the exception rather than the norm.

Frequently repeated comments:

It makes an enormous difference if visitors attempt to speak some French—even if their accents are terrible. No one should assume the French speak English, but you should be able to say Bonjour, merci and s’il vous plaît.

If you treat people with courtesy, they’ll respond in the same way. Don’t think if you raise your voice, the French will be charmed. They won’t be and you’ll have a harder time dealing with them. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out.

Visitors should have the courtesy of familiarizing themselves with the cultural differences between their native country and France. Don’t expect things to be identical to what you experience at home. If that’s what you’re looking for, don’t bother making the trip.

Gwyn Ganjeau said, “I think many Americans go to France and expect the French to be the same as us—but with an accent. But there are significant cultural differences. Reading about those before my first trip was like receiving the secret code. I learned there were so many ways I could have inadvertently been considered a stereotypical 'rude American.'”

Another person commented that as a former New York City resident, she’s found Parisians not to be any different from other big-city residents.

Some observations:

Amy Gruber commented, “I think Parisians are delightful. Let me give you one of example from my six-week-long stay in Paris last year when I didn’t meet one rude Parisian. One morning, I was waiting outside of a shop, which was late opening. A woman arrived and we began talking. The owner’s phone number was written on the door and the woman phoned her to let her know clients were waiting.

“Then, she asked me what I was looking for. When I told her what it was, she said she had seen something similar at a nearby store. She couldn't remember its name and asked me to wait a few minutes. Ten minutes later, she returned with the card. Did she have to do that? Not at all.”

William Cover posted that they’d rented an apartment near the rue Montorgueil. Each time they would purchase something from the merchants, they attempted to speak a bit more French. "A small gift of a rose or flowering plant was also a big hit with our favorite vendors. A young girl sales clerk at Stohrer's, with whom we became friends, spoke some English. She appreciated our trying to speak French. If we passed by, she would say 'Coucou!' and wave. When it was time to leave she used her fingers to signify tears going down her cheeks. That was followed by a big hug. We exchanged email addresses and she always writes, 'Miss you! Kiss Kiss!'”

There were so many additional comments, many having to do with political differences, the Americanization (rather than globalization) of France and other perceptions as well as misconceptions. The reality is that people everywhere have the right to, and do, disagree.  I so wish people would travel more so they could experience people on their home territory and acquire first-hand knowledge of different customs.

Bonjour Paris’s Margaret Kemp, who writes each week for the site, said she believes as most food lovers do, that many of the world's ills could be solved by sharing a meal together, adding that “French cuisine is alive and well and showcased in every corner of the globe.” Perhaps food could be the common denominator.

There were so many thought-provoking comments….  to be continued

 

If you're coming to France (or for that matter anywhere) you can reserve your hotel here. To rent a car, Bonjour Paris recommends Auto Europe.

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© Paris New Media, LLC

Karen@Bonjourparis.com

 

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COMMENTS

  • Rette Tyrrel

    Parisian Lover 1 Comments
    Rude French - not This is my 15th trip to Paris since 1999. Parisians are not rude. I have had lovely young, old, and middle aged men and women help me with my suitcases, suggest local restaurants, and do so many other kind things, that I cannot even begin to count. However, an interesting, new phenomenon for me this trip. On 2 different occasions, young women, in their early 20s were totally inappropriate. On one occasion I was addressed with 'toi', (I'm a grandmother) and on the other occasion, the young woman demanded that I move so she didn't have to go around me on a virtually empty Metro (I was standing, holding the bar because I was getting off at the next stop). Needless to say, I was amazed at these isolated instances.
  • Richard Orr

    Parisian Lover 1 Comments
    the French are rude? My experiences in two trips to Paris (not for about 4 years sadly) have been excellent in terms of how we were treated by the locals. Notwithstanding a scene caused by me in a bakery in Versailles (I apparently insisted they not slice a loaf made for only slicing) people everywhere in Paris were helpful and fairly friendly even though I cannot utter more than 5 words of French.

    At the Eiffle Tower when I was slightly short on (Francs at the time of that trip) the sales clerk said not to worry and that it was no problem! I don't think that has ever happened to me in the states!

    Viva La France!
  • Susan Reinach

    Parisian Lover 2 Comments
    Some People May think the French are rude I am a long time Francophile, but I realize their are some folks who are not. I have been a travel counselor for over 26 years, have sent beaucoup of people to France, most of whom had a really wonderful trip, and returned home wanting to return to France. I've tried to prepare them in simple things, like knowing a few french words of politeness, and patience. Americans some times think that everyone, and everything has to be done in a huge rush, and yet they love the whole European way of enjoying life.
    I also tell them to not try to see every site in 3 or 4 or 5 days. Sit in a cafe and have a coffee, glass of wine and people watch. You can learn a lot about how other people do things by just observing, and enjoying yourself while you're observing. Of course in large cities everywhere in the world, people are busy coming and going to work. You don't stop for tourists at home to give them directions, unless they stop you. Why would you expect someone else to do the same to you with their busy schedule?
    The book "French or Foe" is also a good, quick read in understanding the French. I know it was written for business people, but it's also good for tourists. I have also learned that there are actually some people who should not travel, because they expect things to be like "home" and they never are, or will be. That is the real reason most people do travel, to learn about everyone else.
    I try to tell travelers to not be so busy "doing things" that they miss out on opportunities they might have that are not planned. Inevitably, those are the occasions that everyone remembers as most special from a trip And don't go with too many preconceived ideas. Be open to everyone and everything along the way.
    We have a French family in Normandie that our younger son stayed with for a summer over 20 years ago. We have visited back and forth over the years, and still keep up with them. It's been a wonderful opportunity for each family to learn a lot about each other, and our different traditions culturally. The more one travels, the smaller the world is, and everyone really wants the same things for themselves and their families. That concept really isn't too hard to grasp.
    I love what I do, and hope to make my clients' trips, memorable, no matter where they travel.
  • Howard Dinin

    Parisian Lover 14 Comments
    What I love The conversations I get to engage in, especially with casual acquaintances and associates, including shop owners, random people I meet, and of course any friendly shopkeeper or resto staff person, take on a funny form. But probably not that unusual. This is a phenomenon I encounter more in the south than, in my experience, in Paris. I engage someone in converation. With their well-tuned ears (France is still the #1 tourist destination in the world) and despite what I'm otherwise told is an excellent accent--accountable to my simian powers of imitation and mimicry, and not to my decided abysmal grasp of the grammar, and my poverty-stricken vocabulary; also noted, especially by the French, and told to me with no malice whatsoever), they detect that I likely a native English speaker, or at least they hear the English in my accent. Rarely pinpointed as a yank, they at least know I often or primarily speak English. They respond to my French in English. I continue in French, and they persist to speak English. And so we remain engaged until our business is done. Rarely happens here, and I live in Harvard Square, one of the most likely places in North America, after Old Town Montréal, Québec city, and parts of Toronto, for this to occur.

    I figure they are as eager to practice their English as I am my French. And if they're wrong, it at least looks quite genuinely as if they want to put me at my ease.

    In Paris, as a whole, and in Provence where not *everyone* has even at least a little English, the conversations always continue in French. Also in Aix-en-Provence, the most Parisian of Provençal cities if you ask me.
  • dab314

    Parisian Lover 12 Comments
    the friendly French My wife does speak conversational fench, but i am language challenged. I go out alone in the morning for fresh bread, cheese, fruit, what ever, but I do know a few polite words such as Bonjour, merci and s’il vous plaît , demi-bagette, frommage, I get a smile, and , sometimes an english response, but always a welcoming smile.
  • Karen Fawcett

    Parisian Lover 222 Comments
    Howard - you are preaching to the converted.

    I have found people to go out of their way in Paris and in Provence. The same was not ALWAYS true in Boston during the six years I lived there. I will never forget when my (now deceased) husband I were house hunting in the Vaucluse. We stopped at a restaurant and commented hoe much we liked the wine we were drinking. The owner was there and explained the cave was closed, took our card and sent two cases of wine to Paris for our consumption.

    Naturally, there was a bill, which we expected. We sent a check that day. Still - I doubt that would happen in the US. We were total strangers.

    Howard - would you please contact me: Karen@BonjourParis.com Merci.
  • Howard Dinin

    Parisian Lover 14 Comments
    A not so singular occurrence When my late wife and I were in the endless (and endlessly pleasurable) project of slowly and lovingly furnishing our new home in the Haut Var, a 15th century maison de village in a Knights Templar-founded medieval village... so, obviously, new to us, but not so very new a place, especially compared to the parvenu houses here in staid Cambridge, MA where the oldest house can find its lineage back to the 1670s (when our French house was already almost 300 years old)... we had an experience, a very small thing, an incident, but typical of others long since enjoyed and repeated, I'm sure, all over LBF.

    We were looking for just the "right" fireplace screen, and finally found what we liked, at a not unreasonable price, in a brocante in the neighboring, though still much larger, village of Aups. The patronne was a friendly, helpful woman--with whom we conversed in French--and despite the angularity of our attempts at fluency, and our reticence, she sensed our indecisiveness and we had also made her aware of my forgetting to bring a mesure or the dimensions of the space within the cheminée.

    She was about to close for that quotidian personal indulgence we call lunch (close at 12:30pm, and re-open at 3... that's what *I* call civilized), yet she encouraged us to take the garde-feu with us, and try it out. If it wasn't to our liking, or didn't fit, we could just return it, or if we did want it, we could simply return with the ticket, and pay her. And it's the latter that is what we did.

    We were bowled over by yet another instance of the trust, good sense, and respect of the transaction. She didn't take our name. I imagine she knew us to be regulars, if not residents (just as obviously as we were not natives), yet this was no deterrence.

    It's a habit of conduct that has long since disappeared from the cities of the United States with which I am familiar. And of course, so much of rural America has seen its "downtown" shuttered and boarded up, with no defense against the fiscal onslaughts of cut-throat pricing policies, and out-sourced suppliers of the most common household goods, not to mention artisanal crafts such as wrought metals. There are craftsmen here and about, in Cambridge, in small villages in New England--and no doubt in other parts of the US with which I am less familiar--where trust still goes a long way.

    But it was a pleasure nonetheless not to have to pay for something we weren't sure was suitable, even noting some "generous" return policy--never mind such indignities and impediments to spending freely, as "re-stocking" fees and time limits.

    We, and now I and my new partner, have frequented that same small brocante many times since always on the lookout for another just right item. It was not only good neighborliness--at which the French excel--but good business practice, at which the French are also noted to excel in general.

    And of course, it's the opposite of rudeness.

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