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I am American

I grew up in a small, very rural logging town in Washington State. You know the kind, where you marry your neighbor who was the prom king, have three kids by 23, and live in a trailer on cement blocks. You would never leave this safe haven to go to a big scary town outside of your state, let alone your country: hell no, this small town is like a king-size magnet. People who try to venture out are quickly hauled back by their red suspenders to live out the rest of their logging lives. 

So you can imagine the surprise when I called my high school registrar’s office to ask for a copy of my high school transcript (from the 80's-yikes!) and said that I needed them for the French consulate in Toulouse. “Are you calling me from FRANCE right now?” she eagerly asked. “What time is it there?” “Ohh, this is exciting,” she pronounced, and I knew that I would be the talk of the teachers’ lunchroom that day.

‘Now, why on earth would you need those super old transcripts?’ you are asking yourselves. No, I am not going back to school. They are for my little girl, who is going to be born in a few months. I’m sure that she won’t care about my grades, and I will be embarrassed to look at my French scores from back then. Sorry, Madame, you were right, I should have studied more!  But, I would like for our p’tit chou-chou to have American citizenship as well as the French one that she will have upon birth. Just a little dark-blue passport to go with her baby photo!

The story: I called the local consulate’s office since they said on their site that they handle citizenship papers for babies born abroad as well as a multitude of other services, but only on Wednesdays and not during lunch time, 12 to 3. With this small window, I figured I should find out what I need so as to not waste any time and also because Toulouse is not around the corner for me; it’s a two hour drive away. The nice man on the phone explained that I have to first prove that I am in fact American. I said, “Ok, great, I have my passport and my birth certificate.” He said, “Well, I am afraid that is not enough. You need to PROVE that you lived in America for FIVE years consecutively after the age of 14.” I said, “Oh come on, I can name all the state capitals. Go ahead ask me...Texas? Austin. Delaware? Dover. Of course I am American, I have a passport, I have a birth certificate and I can do the pledge of alliance.”

But no. That is not adequate for my daughter to become American. I have to be an American who lived in the USA for five years and didn’t leave during that time, and the only way to prove that is my high school and university transcripts – thank god I didn't take that year off in between to go to Europe like I had wanted to! “It has to be consecutive,” he said. “And taxes don't count, because you could have been living in Zambia and paying US taxes at the same time.” (now who would do that?)  I thought he must just really be hard on people – he is just being strict.  I can get Irish citizenship by descent from my grandfather and German citizenship from my great grandfather on my mother’s side with just a copy of a birth certificate. But, America is stringent and wants five years’ proof. I found the law and the fun affidavit that I have to fill out and sign. Looks like big brother wants to know exactly how much time I spent in Zambia and where I went on my vacations for the last 20 years…

notes:

CHILD BORN ABROAD TO ONE AMERICAN CITIZEN PARENT AND ONE
NON-AMERICAN PARENT ON OR AFTER NOVEMBER 14, 1986
A child born outside of the United States to one American citizen
parent and one non-American parent may be entitled to citizenship
providing the American parent had been physically present in the U.S.
or one of its outlying possessions for five years, at least two years
of which were after s/he reached the age of fourteen. This period of
physical presence must have taken place prior to the birth of the child.

The affidavit of Physical Presence

Fun chart of US citizenship requirements over the years.

Getting Irish citizenship through grandparents

If you can prove that your parent/grandparent/great-grandparent was born in Germany after 1870, you qualify for "Beibehaltungsgenehmigung." (try to say that one ten times fast! I bet that you have to pronounce it correctly to get it as well)