He Sings and Dances

By Kirsten Guenther
Living in Paris, I’ve come to appreciate its indigenous quality of life. It’s taken me five months, but when I recently returned home to San Francisco for ten days, I quickly realized that I have become quite spoiled by the Parisian lifestyle.

In Paris, I enjoy daily privileges for a bargain price. I can fill myself up with warm baguette “Pas très cuites” for a euro, sit on the sidewalk sipping strong coffee with cream where, I rest assured I will not be hurried by a grumpy waiter pining over lost tips….. three hours at 3.5 euros for a café crème, is well what, a little over a euro an hour? And this includes the entertainment I get from the shows on the sidewalk, like the man in front of Bar du Marché in the 80s black leather jacket and the “Elle Model” baseball cap advertising newspapers for sale with false headlines such as “Monica Lewinsky Embarks on Mission to Africa Preaching ‘Safe Sex,’” or “George W’s Wife gives Birth to Litter of Shihtzus.”

Sure, the scenery is nice….not that I’ve actually been up to the top of Nôtre- Dame or Sacré-Coeur, as my seven flights of stairs are climb enough for me, but I’m told that you’ll find “million dollar views” for a three or five euro entrance fee.

No, I prefer to spend my time on foot exploring the heart of St-Germain-des- Prés or the Marais, where, near the Pompidou--or the Pipe Building, as I call it-- one can buy a CD for four euros.

This is my absolute favorite thing about Paris. I have literally tripled my CD collection in five months. Throughout Paris, bookshops have stands set up on their sidewalks where one can find recordings by Glenn Miller, Ella Fitzgerald, Dean Martin, Edith Piaf, collections of Cuban and Latin music, etc. There are always some less appealing choices, such as “The Greatest Hits of Marilyn Monroe,” or Marlene Dietrich.

This week, I struck gold.

I was wandering outside of the Pipe Building with my new friend, Jake. Freaked out by the street performer on stilts who was dressed in full pig costume, we wandered up the hill towards the futuristic café with white chairs that look like flying saucers…

I’ve known Jake for about 8 weeks. We e-mail daily, but I‘ve actually only hung out with him once, as he lives in Chicago. We met at Coolin’s Irish pub in the 6th through a friend of a friend. He was working on a consulting job in Germany (he is so skilled they flew him in for a week to take a meeting) and came to Paris for the weekend. He’s 5’11”, brown hair, blue eyes. In his spare time he practices Yoga, cooks homemade spaghetti sauce and travels as a photographer to underdeveloped countries. Oh, and he sings. (crush)

Our online relationship took a huge leap when last week he began IMing me. Up until then, our friendship had been based solely on written witty diatribes about our week’s work. Now, we were having virtual conversations--and I was starting to like him more. Nightly, I repeated my mantra, “I have a boyfriend, I have a boyfriend…” A cartoon-like demon occupied my left shoulder; “Marc is a metro-sexual,” the angel argued from my right, “Marc is sweet and wonderful.” Laura argued at Starbucks, “Marc is 5,500 miles away!”

Four days ago, the day of our first IM session, Jake asked me what I was doing this weekend… “Having coffee with Laura (obviously),” I responded.

“Could you squeeze me in? I’m coming to Paris for a visit.”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Oh, and is it okay if I stay with you?”

Hahahahaha….that’s funny. I hope Marc thinks this is as funny as I do.

Jake arrived Saturday morning at 10 am. I didn’t have to help him lug his Tumi hanging bag up my seven flights of stairs, as he would not be staying with me…after all I’m a lady. A lady who checked us into a hotel in the 6th for the weekend.

The previous morning, in preparation for Jake’s arrival, I carried a giant three- piece accordion cushion home from my editor’s, stepping in multiple piles of dogmerde. Pushing the “futon” up my seven flights of stairs I tripped over myself repeatedly, wearing a hole through the right knee of the only pair of jeans that still fit. I arrived in my studio to a ringing phone--a hotel in the 6th inviting me to stay for two nights in order to write a review. Exhausted, I threw the futon into the closet.

What was I supposed to do? The hotel called me and asked me to do a review of their property--they offered me Lauren Bacall’s suite for Pete’s sake! Besides, a two-room suite would mean two places to sleep, much safer than my one room studio with a twin bed and see-through sliding glass bathroom door.

Saturday morning: 9:58 am

Jake calls me as his train pulls out of the George V métro--I take one last look in the mirror, grab the two bags of trash sitting by my door, down the stairs, out the tall wood double doors and through the Saturday morning market, where the perfume of colorful bouquets meets the stench of fresh fish.

I halt my speed-walking marathon across the street from the Porte Maillot, avenue de Malakoff métro exit. My plan is to cross the street just as Jake arrives at the top of the métro stairs--my speed combined with the slight breeze will thus blow my hair back in a “runway supermodel” way. I will then pause a few feet from him, remove my thick black-framed movie star sunglasses, and then smile. But only after, overwhelmed by my approaching presence, Jake drops his bags, locks his eyes with mine, and is rendered speechless by my electric personality.

And I’m sure this is how our meeting would have played, had I paid attention to the traffic lights. Had the driver of the dark green mini coop with the engine that popped not stuck his head out of the window screaming profanities directed at me due to my carelessness.

When Jake arrived at the top of the métro exit steps he was on the phone, and it was not my flowing blond hair blowing in the wind that caught his attention, forcing him to end the call, but the disturbed driver of the beat-up coop threatening to break my sunglasses. Jake did drop his bags, when he ran to the curb to make sure that I didn‘t end up with a black eye. (My hero.)

I change the subject by telling Jake the news of our hotel accommodations for the weekend--I can tell he’s relieved that he doesn’t have to carry his bags up my stairs…though when he loads his bags into the trunk of the taxi and removes the sporty black zip-up jacket he had bought while skiing in Vail the week before, I find myself staring at his tan arms in his white undershirt--naturally defined, probably from lugging heavy-duty photography equipment in Central America.

In the taxi on the way to the hotel, Jake and I talk about our mutual passion for almond butter and he wonders if I’m familiar with pumpkin-seed butter. I have never heard of it, I tell him, but I do enjoy carving pumpkins. Jake reaches into his carryon. He pulls out a tinfoil wrapped package, he unwraps it slowly--carefully. I think it’s supposed to be a sandwich, a pumpkin-seed-butter sandwich, but, whatever it is, has lost all of its shape and become a deformed clump of dough. He wants me to taste it…and I really like him, so how can I refuse?

The green guck is warm on the soft bread moist from the juice from the tomato slice. It doesn’t taste good, but I smile and nod. I’m sure the pumpkin butter is not so bad on its own, but this sandwhich was warm and gooey and 13 hours out of the refrigerator.

When we check into the hotel Jake makes the hotel manager blush with his perfect French, and our arrival is immediately followed by a complimentary bottle of Champagne. The suite is unreal. Double doors lead to an ivory canopy bed with silky sheets and---oh wow, no more thinking about that bed. It’s time for a walk.

After covering topics such as fake-bake tans in Los Angeles, the pros and cons of owning a cat, and mechanical pencils vs. number twos we find ourselves in front of the Pipe Building watching a street performer on stilts wearing a pig costume who has obviously had one too many Red Bulls. When the giant pig asks for volunteers from the audience, Jake and I flee up the hill to a small open CD store.

As we browse the “Four Euro!” section, Jake tells me about the a cappella group he was in in college who performed parodies of Bette Midler songs about college sex life. He sang bass. I convince him to sing me a song but he stops when the pig on stilts comes up behind him adding snorts and oinks to Jake’s a cappella rendition of the Beach Boys’ “Wouldn’t It Be Nice.”

While Jake shoos the giant pig man away, I move deeper into the CD shop in search of better hiding…when, there he is, the man I’ve been in love with since age three when I first saw The Easter Parade, flirting with me from a CD album cover entitled, “Fred Astaire: He Sings and Dances.”

I buy the CD for four euros.

Back in Lauren Bacall’s suite, while Jake sings bass in the shower, I slip Fred into the CD player. First track: Kern and Field’s “A Fine Romance.” I dance in front of the marble fireplace while changing into my, going-out-dancing with a Chicago cutie wear, “A fine romance, with no kisses--” Yet…



Kirsten joins Bonjour Paris from Los Angeles, California where she recently graduated from the University in Southern California with a  BFA in Acting. Last year Last year she co-wrote the book and lyrics to a new pop musical which expects to open in Los Angeles next spring. Two years ago, while studying at a conservatory in London, Kirsten fell in love with Paris and decided that she was destined to return for some time. She's thrilled to experience this dream come true.

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