French and American Man to Man

By Victor Kramer I've had homes in France for a dozen years, so by now I should have firm opinions on the subject: "French men are this, French men are that�" Not so. One problem is an earnest liberal's avoidance of generalizations (unless about Republicans or the military-industrial complex). Another is the conviction that class (OK - socioeconomic status) usually counts more than nationality. Bin Laden is more like the Weathermen (remember?) than like an unshod Afghan peasant. A French banker has more in common with a Citicorp VP than with the farmer who tends the vines across from my house in Provence. A third problem is that I know reasonably well only about twenty or thirty French men, and of those a half dozen are or have been good friends. So my sample is small - and even less helpful for generalizations because the men tend to be guys like me: middle aged or worse, college types, decent careers, families, and a marked preference for sex with women. I do find that French men in my limited sample are better able than most Americans of like backgrounds to conceptualize. And they can express ideas in shapely, well-parsed sentences that seem rehearsed but are not. Some can be snobs or bigots but they're seldom gross about it, and they like women a lot. Not just for sex or household services or even arm d�cor; they really like the company of women. They don't hide from them in men-only clubs, don't assume their lack of knowledge or interest in politics or business, and don't relegate them to kinder, kirche und kuche. In fact, nearly all the men I know are good - and sometimes exquisite - cooks. It doesn't seem to erode their masculinity and the women they're with take pride and pleasure in the men's cooking. No war of the sexes there - competition maybe, but amiably. Now I need to go back to my initial caveat: my sample is self-selected; we like each other because we're like each other. There are other French men with whom I have functional acquaintance - the village doctor, the guy at the gas station, the technicians who keep our various house systems working. They're seldom easy to know: there's the diffidence of class inequalities, my own clumsiness in French (especially the Provencal variety), and the fact that the direction in which money changes hands seems to define relationships. So these few observations are about all I can offer as broad generalizations: Men here carry their masculinity with notable comfort. Macho posturing is minimal and small impersonal aggressions - like not dimming headlights for oncoming cars - are rare. When a man seriously struts and stomps he will find few admirers of either sex. Gays are well integrated into political, business and social life. Paris has an out-of-the-closet gay mayor (so does Berlin, by the way, which gives one something to think about). Elegance in men is not usually equated with femininity or empty headedness. Even the most downscale trucker's restaurant has a largish mirror in the john to check yourself out. French men, like most Continental males, don't have to act as if appearance didn't matter. In fact, French men are even better than Italians at arranging their scarf just so, as skilled at draping a sweater with fake nonchalance around the shoulders, although not as good at wearing a coat or jacket over their shoulders. French men - and women too, for that matter - are ambiguous about America and Americans. They like to patronize us for our lack of culture (as the French define it - but that's for another article) and, of course, our abominable fast foods - but they wolf down McDos by the zillion. They decry the dominance of US movies, and stand in line to see them. They resent American economic supremacy but do their best in business and in economic policy to adapt what they see as the basic strengths of America: pragmatism, impatience with bureaucracy, more opportunities for advancement, more faith in progress. But not one French man I've known - regardless of age, class or other definers - has shown a lack of interest in America and Americans. Even when they're disdainful of US habits (some snobby attitudes there) or critical of US policies they are often amazingly well informed. They realize that, like it or not, the US is the driving force in most things. So they want to know and understand homus americanus. Actually they really prefer to know and understand foemina Americana. But then again, who can blame them?


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