Single and Moving to Paris
I was a typical clueless 13-year-old girl when I recall first thinking about living in Paris. I was in the 8th grade and had to sign up for a language class, and against admonitions from my mother (who, quite correctly, thought Spanish would be more practical), I chose to study French. I didn’t have a logical reason and I didn’t care that it wasn’t practical; I just knew that something about French attracted me. I loved learning French and felt oh-so-sophisticated about it, and I thought how wonderful it would be to go to Paris and stay there someday.
It was the beginning of my life-long obsession with France, its language and culture. And now, 32 years later, I’m finally going to live that dream. I am actually moving to Paris! (Excuse me a moment while I do a little happy dance!)
I know: lots of people wish they could move to Paris, or to some other foreign place they’ve spent years dreaming about. They go somewhere exotic on vacation, and wish they never had to leave. But few manage to pull it off, usually because life has other priorities in mind, like spouses who can’t or won’t relocate, raising children, careers that prevent extended travel, or financial challenges.
When I was that young girl, I envisioned myself living a life where I would live abroad and write. I saw myself having an exciting international life, meeting interesting new people, and visiting fascinating places. Yet here I am—45 and “still” single (or as the French call it, célibataire, a word I absolutely detest), no children, and working as a freelance writer and web designer here in rural New Jersey. It’s a good enough life in many ways, but a far cry from the bold life I wanted to have.
Then a couple of years ago, during one of those inevitable post-40 “light-bulb moments”, I thought: wait a minute! I do have the freedom to live and work anywhere I choose, and the only thing standing in my way is… me! If I want to live in Paris, I can! What am I waiting for?
So I began to plan to stop wishing for it and to actually do it. And you do have to plan, because there’s a lot involved in living abroad for more than an extended vacation. How will you earn a living or pay your expenses? What kind of paperwork do you need to do? Where will you live? What will you do with your current home and belongings? How will you create a social network in your newly adopted country? Anyone who wants to live abroad needs to decide these things, and a thousand other details besides. And along the way, you have to be prepared for unexpected problems, detours or setbacks that will force you to change course or reorganize some of those details—as I’ve already discovered first-hand with my Parisian housing arrangements (more on that in a future article).
If you’re thinking: “OK, that’s easy for YOU to do; you’re single!”—well, I can’t argue with you there. Being “unencumbered” by a relationship or children does make certain aspects of relocation easier—especially the part about not having to ask someone else’s permission or opinion before making all the decisions! (It’s a control freak’s dream come true.) But in other ways, I have my own unique obstacles to overcome as a singleton in Paris—like a still-growing business and clients to think about, and proving to the French government that I have sufficient means to support myself, given I have no spouse to share the financial burdens and I won’t be getting a “job” in France. And don’t forget, socially I’m flying solo in the most romantic city in the world.
I’ve lots to do, and not very much time in which to do it. I’m leaving for Paris on November 9th and will be there through the 19th of December, while I enjoy myself, get my bearings and line up a long term apartment and other necessities for creating a whole new life in France. In upcoming articles, I’ll share with you some of what I’ve been doing to prepare, from applying for my long-stay visa to apartment-hunting online to looking for ways to make new friends.
So, the adventure is just beginning, and along the way I will be making mistakes, learning a lot and having lots of interesting stories to share. Mainly, though, I get up every day and go to sleep every night, scarcely able to believe I have had the nerve to actually do this crazy, bold thing. I have to say, I think I’ve surprised a few of my nearest and dearest by finally doing what I’ve only talked about doing for over 30 years.
Most of all, at an age where life often feels sadly lacking in the element of surprise, I’ve surprised myself. And wow, that sure feels good.
